___
And this is my response:
You have no idea how great your timing was for that question.
You see, I was in an interview on Monday with an African American man who works high up in an organization. I was the note-taker and a bi-racial man with me was doing the interviewing. The guy we interviewed pretty much sandblasted white people, rich people, rich, white churches, etc for 3.5 hours straight and I had to takes notes on everything he said. I was blown out of the water. I have never experienced such frustration and anger directed at my race before so directly. His feelings were palpable towards me, or more my race and status I guess.
So, that's how life is in the 'hood. It has taken me the whole week to type up the interview and process what I went through. I have never felt so ashamed, embarrassed, humiliated, incredulous, stunned, amazed, and angry all at the same time. Oh, and also the the feeling of wanting to sink through the floor so badly, I felt at times more than I ever have in my life. It was an experience like none other but I learned a lot. I told Professor Corbett that it was my three years of my Community Development major summed up in 3.5 hours in real life experience. This was what I learned about in the book "Being White." The raw material and emotions that are often experienced by minorities on a daily or even hourly basis that I could only read about and try to comprehend, I was blasted with in my face. There was no running, but you know what? I realize even more that I could run if I wanted to. That's part of the privilege I have and if I did run, this man would have been just all that much more correct with how he was pegging me and my race.
-Emily
____
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Burritos and Fried Chicken
If you didn't know this already, I like food a lot. So, I decided that this post should be dedicated to two types of food that I have eaten in the last week. Last Friday we ate at a local Mexican place in Western Heights called Taco de Mexico. I had just interviewed the owner a day or two before, so she recognized me and chatted easily with Emily, Bill, and I as we ordered. Our burritos were huge and somewhat bland. I liked it with hot sauce, but Bill didn't agree with the whole burrito thing. It has since been the joke of the week.
This week has gone by incredibly fast. Honestly, I've always had a disliking for Mondays and am usually glad when they're over with, but if feels like it was yesterday. We've had a few enjoyable listening conversations and have been able to set up a few more, but it has been somewhat of a struggle to get a hold of people lately. Emily and Rhyan (a member of the Alliance/ another intern) had an INTENSE 3 1/2 hour long interview that has taken days to muddle through. whew. that's a long time to talk to someone.
I feel like Emily and I have learned a new description of flexibility: driving out to places just to have things canceled on you. Emily gave me wise advice: call before you go out. huh. who would of thunk it...that's actually quite helpful.
Today we got to see a friendly face: Professor Corbett. He's currently advising the Alliance in their actions so that they can get involved as humble outsiders. He reminded us that we need to approach these people with the knowledge that they have existed in the community before we even knew about the community. We need to ask them how we can help them, not ask them to help us.
So my story ends with fried chicken. Why you may ask? 1. The topic of soul food has been very popular this week between Emily and I 2. I ate chicken wings today.
This is the end of our third week. A fourth of the way done. I feel like we've just gotten started! Please be in prayer because our focuses did get shifted a bit today as things are being discovered and worked out. Pray that we would have patience, a true heart for the community, and the realization that we are here but for a summer and we need to work for the Alliance and their goals and not the goals we think should be done.
This week has gone by incredibly fast. Honestly, I've always had a disliking for Mondays and am usually glad when they're over with, but if feels like it was yesterday. We've had a few enjoyable listening conversations and have been able to set up a few more, but it has been somewhat of a struggle to get a hold of people lately. Emily and Rhyan (a member of the Alliance/ another intern) had an INTENSE 3 1/2 hour long interview that has taken days to muddle through. whew. that's a long time to talk to someone.
I feel like Emily and I have learned a new description of flexibility: driving out to places just to have things canceled on you. Emily gave me wise advice: call before you go out. huh. who would of thunk it...that's actually quite helpful.
Today we got to see a friendly face: Professor Corbett. He's currently advising the Alliance in their actions so that they can get involved as humble outsiders. He reminded us that we need to approach these people with the knowledge that they have existed in the community before we even knew about the community. We need to ask them how we can help them, not ask them to help us.
So my story ends with fried chicken. Why you may ask? 1. The topic of soul food has been very popular this week between Emily and I 2. I ate chicken wings today.
This is the end of our third week. A fourth of the way done. I feel like we've just gotten started! Please be in prayer because our focuses did get shifted a bit today as things are being discovered and worked out. Pray that we would have patience, a true heart for the community, and the realization that we are here but for a summer and we need to work for the Alliance and their goals and not the goals we think should be done.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Boss: "How are you?" Me: "I'm a little overwhelmed." Boss: *huge grin* "BUT THAT WHAT YOU WANTED!!"
I am finally sitting down to write my first a blog post. Anna and I created a joint blog so that between the both of us, we would actually keep it up, but Anna so far has 5 posts to my 0. Time to remedy that and start pulling my weight on this blog. I promised her I'd try to make it long to catch up on all that's been happening the past 10.5 days.
The first week, we eased into our work, scrambling a little to find our way and figure things out, at least for me. We toured the community we are working in the first day and started to figure out our way around town.
However, this week has more than made up for last's week's ease, as I feel like I have been working 24/7 and still feel behind. I'm not sure if behind is the right word, because I'm not sure half the time if I'm doing the right thing, but things are slowly falling into place and I'm beginning to understand my place here on this internship. However, the more I understand, the more questions I have and then my understanding changes, but the picture is slowly coming into focus.
Anna and I have been learning to delegate and work together. She and I have a hard time giving work to the other person but we are learning how to work together and balance each others work out and not overlap.
We have been going to neighborhood association meetings where we talk with residents and introduce the Western Heights Community Alliance to the community and explain what they are all about. At these meetings, we try to find people who would be good to interview (or do what the Alliance calls a "listening conversation.") A lot of the members are interested in getting interviewed because they really want to share their thoughts about their community.
At the first meeting, we participated in the group activities and we did this personality survey. Anna was a "People person" and I was the "Processor." So, now I have an excuse when I don't want to talk, I make Anna do it because that is her profile. Its great. Actually, that is not working out so well, because a lot of what I have been doing this week is talking...a lot. Its been stretching me and is really uncomfortable oftentimes, but I guess that's a good thing.
Anna and I did our first interview of a lady we met at the association meeting. Anna did the talking and I did the note taking. It went really well, but now my job is to get members of the Alliance to be interested in becoming more involved in the community. Because I am just here for the summer, my boss wants me to create momentum in the Alliance to continue after I leave. So, I've been making more phone calling, emailing, and spontaneous visits with people than I have ever imagined I could, but its been fruitful. Frustrating too as I have hit a lot of walls. But today I had a break through of sorts and made some progress in getting through to people. I would like to say the more I talk and put myself out there to try and get people on board, the easier it gets, but, so far its still a struggle, but a good struggle.
I have been relying on the power of prayer. Even for the "little" things, I have to remind myself to bring them to God because only he can take what I do and create something out of it. I need to constantly be reminded of this because all too often I catch myself working hard and forgetting where my strength comes from.
The response to Anna's and my presence in the community has been mixed, as to be expected, and I am learning to put on my "tough skin" as Dr. Mask talked about last semester. These are the times when I have to trust that God indeed knows what he is doing and that even through my fumblings, he is still working. Because the Alliance is already established at many places in the community, we have been able to come in on their coat tails and be accepted because of the people before us. However, a lot of this week has been forging new trails and Anna, bless her heart, is blazing a trail like you wouldn't believe and is stepping right into the community full steam ahead and is making connections all over the place. I just like to stand back in awe and watch her sometimes.
While she has been talking to open businesses and introducing them to the Alliance and hearing their opinion on the community, I have been going around to closed businesses. Today I drove for 3.5 hours making a list of all the closed buildings I saw. I am going to research what they were so we can find out what sort of asset they were and can be to the community. People person and processor at our finest. In the next two days, I have 4 interviews though, but I think I'm just the note taker and Anna has one next week. Our boss has crazy goals for us, but he is pushing us. I'm glad they are high. I'll never reach them, but I'm already pushed further than I first imagined possible.
Another thing we have been doing besides getting to know residents and businesses, is getting to know the churches in the area. We have attended Sunday School, Sunday worship, Wednesday night service, and a Thursday night street evangelism outreach at different churches. After each one, we each write up a reflection paper of our thoughts, feelings, and experience at/with the church. Its been great doing these papers because they cause me to reflect and think about what I hear and see and not only do I learn a lot, but my boss says that he is learning a lot from them too, so hopefully they can be/are of some use.
Yesterday, at the last neighborhood association meeting, some ladies shared their testimonies about what the association meetings have meant to them this past semester and I was so blessed to hear the testimonies and see how, just like we always talk about in our community development classes, my story is joining in with the community's story. I'm already weary and frustration and fear are continual struggles, but I'm excited to see where this summer takes me. Its already been a crazy ride, but I know its only going to get crazier. Hallelujah that God is the leader and will be until the end.
We covet your prayers.
Emily
The first week, we eased into our work, scrambling a little to find our way and figure things out, at least for me. We toured the community we are working in the first day and started to figure out our way around town.
However, this week has more than made up for last's week's ease, as I feel like I have been working 24/7 and still feel behind. I'm not sure if behind is the right word, because I'm not sure half the time if I'm doing the right thing, but things are slowly falling into place and I'm beginning to understand my place here on this internship. However, the more I understand, the more questions I have and then my understanding changes, but the picture is slowly coming into focus.
Anna and I have been learning to delegate and work together. She and I have a hard time giving work to the other person but we are learning how to work together and balance each others work out and not overlap.
We have been going to neighborhood association meetings where we talk with residents and introduce the Western Heights Community Alliance to the community and explain what they are all about. At these meetings, we try to find people who would be good to interview (or do what the Alliance calls a "listening conversation.") A lot of the members are interested in getting interviewed because they really want to share their thoughts about their community.
At the first meeting, we participated in the group activities and we did this personality survey. Anna was a "People person" and I was the "Processor." So, now I have an excuse when I don't want to talk, I make Anna do it because that is her profile. Its great. Actually, that is not working out so well, because a lot of what I have been doing this week is talking...a lot. Its been stretching me and is really uncomfortable oftentimes, but I guess that's a good thing.
Anna and I did our first interview of a lady we met at the association meeting. Anna did the talking and I did the note taking. It went really well, but now my job is to get members of the Alliance to be interested in becoming more involved in the community. Because I am just here for the summer, my boss wants me to create momentum in the Alliance to continue after I leave. So, I've been making more phone calling, emailing, and spontaneous visits with people than I have ever imagined I could, but its been fruitful. Frustrating too as I have hit a lot of walls. But today I had a break through of sorts and made some progress in getting through to people. I would like to say the more I talk and put myself out there to try and get people on board, the easier it gets, but, so far its still a struggle, but a good struggle.
I have been relying on the power of prayer. Even for the "little" things, I have to remind myself to bring them to God because only he can take what I do and create something out of it. I need to constantly be reminded of this because all too often I catch myself working hard and forgetting where my strength comes from.
The response to Anna's and my presence in the community has been mixed, as to be expected, and I am learning to put on my "tough skin" as Dr. Mask talked about last semester. These are the times when I have to trust that God indeed knows what he is doing and that even through my fumblings, he is still working. Because the Alliance is already established at many places in the community, we have been able to come in on their coat tails and be accepted because of the people before us. However, a lot of this week has been forging new trails and Anna, bless her heart, is blazing a trail like you wouldn't believe and is stepping right into the community full steam ahead and is making connections all over the place. I just like to stand back in awe and watch her sometimes.
While she has been talking to open businesses and introducing them to the Alliance and hearing their opinion on the community, I have been going around to closed businesses. Today I drove for 3.5 hours making a list of all the closed buildings I saw. I am going to research what they were so we can find out what sort of asset they were and can be to the community. People person and processor at our finest. In the next two days, I have 4 interviews though, but I think I'm just the note taker and Anna has one next week. Our boss has crazy goals for us, but he is pushing us. I'm glad they are high. I'll never reach them, but I'm already pushed further than I first imagined possible.
Another thing we have been doing besides getting to know residents and businesses, is getting to know the churches in the area. We have attended Sunday School, Sunday worship, Wednesday night service, and a Thursday night street evangelism outreach at different churches. After each one, we each write up a reflection paper of our thoughts, feelings, and experience at/with the church. Its been great doing these papers because they cause me to reflect and think about what I hear and see and not only do I learn a lot, but my boss says that he is learning a lot from them too, so hopefully they can be/are of some use.
Yesterday, at the last neighborhood association meeting, some ladies shared their testimonies about what the association meetings have meant to them this past semester and I was so blessed to hear the testimonies and see how, just like we always talk about in our community development classes, my story is joining in with the community's story. I'm already weary and frustration and fear are continual struggles, but I'm excited to see where this summer takes me. Its already been a crazy ride, but I know its only going to get crazier. Hallelujah that God is the leader and will be until the end.
We covet your prayers.
Emily
Monday, May 17, 2010
Suicidal animals, Fast cars, Bursting Brains, and Basketball
Some found out facts about Knoxville:
1. I'm pretty sure that there is a high suicide rate amongst the fair critters of Knoxville. The other day I watched as a bunny crossed the road. As a car was about to drive in front of it, I thought it was safe (it would've gone in between the tires, under the car), it decided to jump up... getting smashed into the front of the car and dropping to the ground dead. A tragic ending to such a small animal, but honestly, it was a stupid move by the bunny. I did mutter against the killing car however, calling them bunny killers... but the bunny did make the jump. I find the birds drive awfully low to the ground right in front of the cars as well. It's not like the squirrel commercial where they just try to wreck the cars. My thoughts are that, like the bunny, they are trying to kill themselves. I think Knoxville veterinarians need to begin getting degrees in counseling as well so that the Knoxville animals may start getting hope in their animal world.
2. People in Knoxville don't like to follow the speed limit. Now I admit, I like to go over the speed limit, enough said. However, the common speed seems to be 30 mph here... like everywhere. Which to my eyes is quite ridiculous and slow. However, when there are cars behind me and I purposefully try to go 30mph, they are at the butt of my car and I can mentally feel their angry car eyes glaring at me.
3. Bursting brains of information. After about 3-4 hours of talking things over today with a couple of people, my brain feels overloaded. The meetings were extremely helpful and they gave us good goals to go towards for this week and the weeks to come... but my brain felt so empty as the information came! It reminded me of how limited I am. Please pray that God can still use me!
4. Thankfully, my two host brothers love to play basketball and are thoughtful enough to invite Emily and I to join them. Sometimes I am not sure if I'm getting better or worse as the games go on, but I enjoy every minute of it!
-Anna-
1. I'm pretty sure that there is a high suicide rate amongst the fair critters of Knoxville. The other day I watched as a bunny crossed the road. As a car was about to drive in front of it, I thought it was safe (it would've gone in between the tires, under the car), it decided to jump up... getting smashed into the front of the car and dropping to the ground dead. A tragic ending to such a small animal, but honestly, it was a stupid move by the bunny. I did mutter against the killing car however, calling them bunny killers... but the bunny did make the jump. I find the birds drive awfully low to the ground right in front of the cars as well. It's not like the squirrel commercial where they just try to wreck the cars. My thoughts are that, like the bunny, they are trying to kill themselves. I think Knoxville veterinarians need to begin getting degrees in counseling as well so that the Knoxville animals may start getting hope in their animal world.
2. People in Knoxville don't like to follow the speed limit. Now I admit, I like to go over the speed limit, enough said. However, the common speed seems to be 30 mph here... like everywhere. Which to my eyes is quite ridiculous and slow. However, when there are cars behind me and I purposefully try to go 30mph, they are at the butt of my car and I can mentally feel their angry car eyes glaring at me.
3. Bursting brains of information. After about 3-4 hours of talking things over today with a couple of people, my brain feels overloaded. The meetings were extremely helpful and they gave us good goals to go towards for this week and the weeks to come... but my brain felt so empty as the information came! It reminded me of how limited I am. Please pray that God can still use me!
4. Thankfully, my two host brothers love to play basketball and are thoughtful enough to invite Emily and I to join them. Sometimes I am not sure if I'm getting better or worse as the games go on, but I enjoy every minute of it!
-Anna-
Friday, May 14, 2010
Our first weekend!
Bill Goosie has been kind enough to give us the weekend off, though I still have homework to look over! But, I'm looking forward to going to our host brother's baseball game tomorrow =)As for right now, Emily and I are house and dog sitting for a friend.
Anna
Anna
Sunday, May 9, 2010
The Arrival...
We are officially in Knoxville and at our host's house. Our host family is incredible! We were welcomed with such joy and love that we can tell it is going to be a great summer. We start tomorrow with a tour of Western Heights and will continue the week with some meetings. We will also start noting the businesses and places around the Western Heights community.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Now for the future...
Finals are done! Emily's home and I'm hanging out until the college's graduation. We're destined to arrive to our new home in Knoxville on Sunday evening, May 9th, 2010.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
One week in counting...
wow. where did this semester go? Only one week and we're off to Knoxville! Right now, we are trying to distract ourselves with a fun movie... trying not to think of finals!
-Anna-
-Anna-
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